Fade Away (Evy Story 71)
by quietandsneaky
Summary: Evy in the recent Supernatural episode, Lebanon. SPOILER ALERT, not only for that episode, but my original Evy story, Sensitive Souls are the Strongest.


**Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original character of Evelyn Winchester does.**

**A/N: This story is written partially as a response to a request by the user willows in the wind. If anyone else would like to leave a request, I will gladly consider it. I can't promise I'll do it, but I will look at it. Hope everyone's doing well!**

**SPOILER ALERT: This story takes place in the recent episode Lebanon, so if you haven't seen that one, you've been warned. It also contains spoilers for my first Evy story, Sensitive Souls are the Strongest. If you want to read the chapters in that story that apply to this one, it's chapter 10 and chapters 21 and 22. Again, this story contains spoilers, so if you haven't seen the episode and choose to read this anyway, that's on you. **

Sam had thought his father's sudden appearance was enough to knock him off his feet. John had only appeared a few seconds earlier, but the next surprise nearly knocked Sam's 6'4" frame to his knees.

"Sammy? Dean?"

_It can't be_, Sam thought. Evy had been gone for nearly two years. Every day dragged Sam's heart and soul a little closer to completely and utter hopelessness. But there she was. A few years younger, but it was definitely her.

"Cricket?"

"What is going…"

Before Evy could finish her sentence, Sam pounced on her. He grabbed her in a tight, rib-crushing hug, like he'd dreamed about doing every single day since Evy had taken her last breath.

"Ahhhh!"

"Cricket? What? What is it?" Sam asked.

"My leg. God, it hurts."

"How old are you, kid?" Dean asked.

"Just turned seventeen." Evy answered.

Sam's heart twisted in dread. Evy's seventeenth birthday had been one of the worst days in all their lives. After sending Evy out to spend some time alone, Sam and Dean had gone looking for her when she was a half hour late getting back to Bobby's. They'd found her on the side of the road, massive injuries from a hellhound leaving her barely alive. Evy was tough, tougher than anyone else Sam knew, but he didn't think he'd ever get the sound of Evy's crying that day out of his head.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Dean asked, breaking Sam out of his thoughts.

"I know what happened, Dean." Evy said crabbily. "Lilith attacked me."

"Who the hell is Lilith?"

Evy had been so distracted at the sight of her brothers and the pain all over her body that she hadn't taken notice of the other person in the room. It was Evy's turn to be surprised.

"Daddy?"

"Hey, little one."

"Look, I would give you a hug, but my leg's killing me. Can we sit down, please?"

The conversation that followed was a surreal one for all of them. Sam and Dean caught John up on the events that he'd missed, with Evy filling in some of the details while trying to hide how much pain she was still in. The last thing she remembered was being in Bobby's living room, Sam sitting above her while Dean worked on stitching her up. The memory was hazy, painful, and one she hoped she could forget one day.

"Little one? You alright?"

Evy laughed bitterly. "I think that's relative at this point."

"Cricket? You need anything?" Sam asked. He hadn't stopped staring at Evy since she arrived.

"Yeah. I need you to answer something for me." Evy said. "Why'd you have to summon me?"

Sam's smile immediately fell.

"Sammy? Tell me the truth. Why did you have to summon me? Why aren't I here with you?"

"Cricket, don't…"

"Tell me." Evy said. "Tell me the truth, Sammy."

Sam swallowed, the memories fighting their way up through the dredges of his brain. Evy waking up sick with a fever. Being sick for four very long days with what he thought was a strong flu. Evy having a seizure. Chuck making that damn announcement, telling them that Evy had to not only die, she had to _choose_ to die in order to save the world from an epidemic of the very disease she was suffering from. That last six hours he'd spent with her, while she got weaker and sicker, until finally he held her in his arms, singing a lullaby to her as she took her last breath. Evy noticed the heartbroken look on Sam's face and immediately put the pieces together.

"I died, didn't I?"

"Yeah." Sam whispered. "Yeah. You did."

Evy nodded. "Did I go out fighting?"

"Harder than any of us ever did." Dean said.

"Okay." Evy nodded her head, resigned to the fact that she'd apparently never make it to any older than twenty-five.

"Do you want to know…?"

"No." Evy said. "No. Don't tell me. I mean it. Just tell me this. Do I ever get any better?"

Dean sighed. "Yes and no. You got better enough to go back out hunting with me and Sammy, but you were left with a limp the rest of your life. It was barely noticeable most of the time, but it never completely went away."

_Great. So I'm stuck like this all my life._ Evy hated herself for being so bitter, but she couldn't help it. She was in pain. Her entire leg throbbed, her arm hurt, and it was uncomfortable both to sit down and stand up. John said something about how he wished he'd been there to see everything that the three of them did, and Evy had to bite her tongue. _Would have been great if you'd been there to see everything before you died too._ John was reunited with Mary, and Evy had enough. Dean's deepest desire was apparently to get his whole family back together, including her. While Evy had no doubt that Dean loved her, apparently, he didn't love her enough to bring _her_ mom back.

When Sam and Dean left the room to give John and Mary some time together, Evy walked around the bunker. She'd been here for two hours now, and despite her earlier feelings, she found herself amazed at the size of the place. The size and scope of it took her breath away. While wandering down the halls, she found a door marked 'knock before entering or I knock you in the head'.

_Yep. Definitely mine._

Evy opened the door and the first thing she noticed was the smell. It wasn't particularly bad, just a little musty, presumably from not being cleaned. But the bed was unmade, like someone had gotten up a and left it that way. There were pictures on the wall, some she recognized, some she didn't. There was a few scented candles scattered around. Evy smiled; something good had apparently come form them moving into the bunker. She'd always loved candles. They felt warm and homey, in a time when the only home she'd really had was the Impala. But they were impractical in the car and in motel rooms, so Evy stopped bothering to buy them.

"It's good to see you back in here."

Evy turned to see Dean at the door. "Hey. I was just…"

"You don't have to explain. It's your room. Or will be, anyway." Dean said. "But, anyway, mom's sending me to the store. I was wondering if you had a request for dinner."

"Mom. Wow. That still sounds weird." Evy said.

"There's days it still surprises me, too." Dean walked in and looked around the room. He hadn't been in it since a few days after Evy died. "I just wish we could have you and Dad back like that too."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do." Evy said under her breath.

"What was that, kiddo?" Dean asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay, then. I'm gonna get the list from Mom. Why don't you go out and talk to her?"

"Maybe."

But Evy didn't. She was still stuck on why Dean had brought his mother back but not hers. So she limped back out to the library, where she found Sam and John talking about something. Standing just out of their line of vision, Evy heard it.

"Dad, I don't want to talk about that…"

"You didn't have a problem talking about it when you left."

"When he _what?_" Evy hobbled out from behind the bookcase that had been hiding her. "Sam never left you."

"Little one…"

"No. You don't get to talk now. If Sam wants to forgive you, that's fine. If he wants to ask your forgiveness, that's up to him, but he doesn't need it. Sam _never _left you. You were the one screaming at him that if he left, not to come back. You didn't give a damn what that did to him, to Dean, or to me. _He_ didn't leave _you_, but you sure as hell left us whenever someone might have been in danger."

"Cricket, come on…"

"He offered to come back." Evy said, pointedly ignoring Sam's pleas. "He offered to come back. He offered to help you research when he could, he offered to help get you out of jail when he became a lawyer. He did not abandon you. He did not abandon me. He went in search of a better life. And you made him and me feel like crap for it."

John, stung by her honesty, said nothing, choosing instead to stare at the floor.

"Now maybe I'm a little less forgiving right now than I normally would be, because I just had my leg chewed on by a demonic pit bull and got thrown around like a chew toy, but I want to know _why_." Evy wiped at the tears that were starting to fall, frustrated she couldn't keep them in like she wanted.

"Why what?" John asked quietly.

"Why I loved you so much but I had to fight to ever get you to admit that you loved me too. Why you made me and Sam feel like you hate us. Why you slammed the door in our faces and then got mad at us when we didn't come back through them. Why? Why did you stop being the Daddy that I wanted so bad?"

"I'm sorry." John said. "I'm sorry, little one. I wish I could tell you why, but the truth is I don't know. When you told me that you wanted to go live with Sammy in Palo Alto, I just got so scared. I couldn't protect Sam anymore, and with you gone, I wouldn't be able to protect you. I felt like a failure. In fact, when I left, I took the pickup truck to an abandoned road and I spent that hour crying my eyes out."

"You did?" Evy asked.

"I did. I wish I could say something else, something that would make everything okay for you, but I can't. I'm just so sorry, little one. Sorry for every ounce of pain you've ever had to go through because of me. I wish I could take it all on myself. I've always loved your brothers, but you were my heart, little one. I'm just really, really sorry."

Evy smiled. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you say at one time."

John pretended to scowl. "Shut up. I totally rehearsed that speech too."

Evy grabbed John in a hug, and John turned towards Sam. "I'm sorry, son."

Sam nodded. "I'm sorry, too."

As Sam and Dean went into town to gather the groceries from Mary's list, Evy caught John up a little more on things they'd been doing. They discussed what they both thought about the bunker, and what Sam and Dean had told them. The future was, apparently, all too full of surprises. Mary came in with a cup of coffee, and Evy turned to her.

"So, it's not, like, weird or anything for you, is it?"

"What?" Mary asked.

"Being here with me." Evy said. "I mean, you're Sam and Dean's mom, not mine."

Mary smiled. "You and I were actually really good friends. You were a little jealous at first, but we started to get along."

Evy asked the question that had been bothering her all day. "Are they okay? After whatever happened to me?"

Mary sighed. "They pretend to be. But they both really, really miss you."

"Take care of them. Please. Dad and I won't be here much longer."

Before anyone could respond, Sam and Dean came back with sobering news. Evy and John had to go back to their respective time periods. Sam tried to fight it, but Evy convinced him to do it.

"This isn't my time, Sammy. You'll be okay." she said. "I promise, I'll be back. Until then, let's just have one last family dinner."

It was a slow dinner, one everyone savored, because they all knew that it would never happen again. When it was over, Evy forbade a long goodbye. She walked over to John and held his hand, something she hadn't done since she was a toddler. She saw in his eyes a painful sadness, at what he'd lost and what would never again return.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, little one."

Evy squeezed John's hand, turned to Sam, and nodded her head. Sam knew if he waited, he'd never do it, so he destroyed the pearl and watched, tears blurring his vision as Evy faded away.


End file.
